I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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