just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It's never too late to be topless.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
