I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize