Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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