you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
