Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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