I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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