The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
this just has baby written all over it
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
