My friends, they love my intelligence
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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