great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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