Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
