If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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