Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
