You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
