I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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