Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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