Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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