Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
