Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
