If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
