My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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