Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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