I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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