KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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