Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
