I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
