mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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