in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
