I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
