So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
