its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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