Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
