His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
honey bunches of taint.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
