You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
