I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You made out with two different species that night
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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