First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
