I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
