I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
