my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
