You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
