I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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