I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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