Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize