I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So much rum. So many feels.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
