Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
