do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
