i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
