It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
