So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i love accidental penises.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
