i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
