Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
