if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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