I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
