If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
