It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
How drunk are you?
Completed.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
