dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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