you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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