Cold hands, warm shart.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My bed smells like the plague
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