i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
