There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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