I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
