Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
