I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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