omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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