$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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