Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
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