I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
