i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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