Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
