Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
