seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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