tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
