The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
