chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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