How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
