I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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