I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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