i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
nutella sex= disaster
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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