In the future we'll all be gay
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
