I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
