Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I pour the whiskey from now on
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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