I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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