just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
