Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
