I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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